In my childhood, I used to watch Indian soap operas and wonder why the protagonists constantly chased happiness and dealt with problems. I still remember asking ammu about this, to which she replied that real adult life is not like that. I still wonder whether my ammu’s reply was a mere attempt of avoiding a long adult conversation or preserving my innocence. I do like to believe the latter one. I think she just wanted to keep me from these worries for a little longer. Somehow along the way, I had also grown up to be the same as those protagonists. Always worrying about life, always wanting happiness only to be left wondering why so much sadness. “WHY ME? Maybe I’m not happy because of my problems. I will be happy someday.”
And that SOMEDAY never comes.
My question changed during Ramadan, 2020. The pandemic had just started taking its toll. That’s when I started realizing the importance of my unruly simple life. Yes, we had financial strains, but all my family members were healthy and sound, well-fed, and happy. Amidst one of the worst global crises, we were living a simple content life. That’s when I started asking the right question, “what is happiness?” My view changed when I understood that happiness is not what our society spoon-feeds us to aspire. There is no such thing called perfect felicity. Happiness is not the antonym of problems. In fact, these two are parallel.
One of my favorite quotes from the Quran is, “with every difficulty, comes relief” – Al-Inshirah
Tranquility doesn’t come after but with the strain. I found my composure in my unsettling life. My life is still the same as before, full of problems, but my views changed. I changed from “why me” to “definitely me” because I couldn’t be more thankful for what I have.
I did find my little felicity just not by our society’s standards.
And I’m glad.
